While cats are notoriously hard to read, there’s nothing more bewildering to cat owners than having what was once their closest animal companion suddenly become so afraid of their presence.
Cats make one of the best animal companions, and just watching my cat be cute and sassy brightens even my darkest days. But, suddenly going from family to strangers is one transition that will have you worried sick. I know firsthand how that feels because this is precisely what I went through with my cat, Sophie. That’s why I decided to investigate the issue to understand further why it happens in the first place. Doing so, I discovered so many things that I’d love to share with you.
Is your cat suddenly afraid of you or any member of your family, and you don’t know why this is happening or how to fix this? Then you’ve come to the right place for answers.
Signs That Your Cat Is Afraid of You
While I stated earlier that cats are difficult to read, you definitely can’t miss it when your cat suddenly becomes afraid of you. Here are some of the common signs to look out for that mean she doesn’t see you the same.
1. Decreased Grooming
Cats love to look and feel pretty good all the time, and they reportedly spend between 30 and 50 percent of their day grooming themselves. Decreased grooming tends to occur when your cat is ill or suffering from too much stress and anxiety. Unfortunately, some cats don’t know how to react to stressors, so they stop grooming altogether.
2. Reduced Social Interactions
Cats are not all too popular for wanting too much social interaction, but when a cat that loves you suddenly stops wanting to interact with you and is always looking away or hides from you all the time, then you’ll know that there’s a problem.
3. She Bites, Hisses Or Growls
Cats can be a little aggressive when they’re scared of you or frightened by someone or something in the house. While experts believe that biting is expected behavior in kittens, grown cats who have lived with you for years shouldn’t be biting you. Biting, hissing or growling are clear signs of resentment from your cat. There are particular cases when cats can bite due to overstimulation, whether physical, auditory, or olfactory. But if your feline friend bites you when you are trying to approach it, that’s bad news.
4. Lowered Horizontal or General Lowered Tail
Cats use their tails for various purposes, and a low-hanging horizontal tail means kitty is in a state of fear. Los-Angeles based certified cat behaviorist Russell Hartstein said that cats use their tails not just for balance but as an outlet to express emotions, moods. So keep an eye out for this because the lower your cat’s tail is, the more stressed your cat is. If you want to understand your cat much better, you can pretty much know your cat’s mood just by looking at its tail.
5. Holding Ears Down and Sideways
With 32 muscles in each of her ears, a cat’s ears are also excellent indicators of its mood, and a scared cat will always have its ears pointing downward and sideways whenever it’s around you. Kitty’s ears will be turned sideways and lay down flat against her head when she’s scared. You can gauge how scared or anxious she is by how flat her ears are.
6. Shaking, Pacing, and Crouching
A common sign of fear or a cat that’s afraid of you is she’s always trembling or crouching around you or when you try to pet her. It gets worse if they’re friendly to everyone else except you.
Possible Causes For Cats to Suddenly Develop Fear of Their Owners
Okay, so you might have noticed some of these signs and sudden changes in your cat’s behavior, but why is this happening? Did you do something wrong? Below are some of the possible causes for your cat to suddenly become afraid of you.
1. Taking Prolonged Vacations
We sometimes need to take a break from our hectic work schedule, buy tickets to a relaxing destination and create the time to unwind. However, cat owners are faced with a bit of hassle when planning vacations. If you have recently taken any vacations and left your cat behind for weeks or months at a pet boarding facility or with family and friends, that could be the reason why she’s afraid of you.
While cats are known to have good memories, this happens because cats lose their connection with their owners or don’t recognize their smell immediately once they are back. Your cat might have formed bonds with other people or just got used to taking care of herself. Unlike dogs that need human attachment and security, cats really don’t mind being on their own.
2. History of Abuse (Rescued cats)
Every cat is different and possesses unique characteristics. However, if your cat was adopted and has had a history with abusive owners, certain events may trigger these painful memories while she’s in your care. Being physically aggressive, yelling, or making loud scary, or weird noises are considered a threat by your cat, even if none of this is directed towards him or her. This should be stopped. Think about it for a second, maybe, and you did something weird or raised your voice and that may have frightened your cat. A cat that suffered abuse at an early age is usually more skittish than normal.
3. Sudden Change or Disruption in Routine
Cats are creatures of habit. From their feeding times to their playtimes and nap times, they love to have things done in a routine. For instance, cats want to be fed at regular hours. So when you get up in the morning by 5 am to feed your cat, they expect you to keep feeding them at 5 am the next day and forever. Any attempt to suddenly change or disrupt this little routine could make your cat very upset or even make her sick. If you’ve recently changed any of your cat’s routines that could be the reason for her being scared of you.
4. You Tried to Force-Feed Your Cat
I know picky eaters can be frustrating, but if you recently chased your cat around the house to try and force her to eat breakfast, lunch, or dinner, that could be the reason why she’s scared of you. This attempt to try to force-feed your cat is not only unsuccessful, but it also renders the opposite effect by instilling fear in your cat.
5. Presence of an Unwanted Guest
“It’s not you, it’s them” comes into play here. If your cat is suddenly afraid of you after the arrival of an unknown guest in the house, there’s a big chance that you’re not the one she’s scared of. Your cat may not be comfortable having the added presence of your guest(s) in the house, which may make her feel scared or unsafe around you. An unwanted guest can be also a new neighboring cat that your kitty is spotting frequently through the window. This could create anxiety in your cat to the point of showing nervousness for no apparent reason.
6. Your cat is not afraid, he doesn’t feel good
If your cat is hiding and you can’t see it anymore or if your feline friend seems nervous around you and not social, it could be related to a health issue more than being afraid of you. Anything from constipation to an early stage of arthritis could cause your cat not to be friendly around you anymore. Take your cat to the Vet for a checkup to discard health issues.
Here’s Why My Cat Got Afraid of Me
Like I said earlier in the blog, I know firsthand how it feels to have your cat suddenly become afraid of you. It’s high up there among the worst things to experience as a cat owner.
My beautiful cat, Sophie, is a rescued cat, and as is common with rescued cats, must have been through a lot in the past. Rescued cats in particular are known to exhibit certain behaviors, particularly separation anxiety.
Sophie got scared of me after I traveled outside the country for a month and left her behind. When I returned, she maybe didn’t recognize my smell immediately and kept staring at me like I wasn’t her BFF anymore. It felt weird for sure. On top of that, a few days after my arrival I had the great idea of using a swatter to kill a mosquito, and Sophie panicked a lot, maybe that triggered something from her past. As a rescued cat, she probably got abused when she was a kitten with a swatter or something similar.
What To Do To Fix This
Regardless of the cause of the problem, I knew this was something I had to fix, and I had to do it fast. So if you’re currently dealing with a cat that’s suddenly scared of you, here’s how to fix the situation.
1. Rebuild Rapport Through Play
You may have left your cat at home alone for too long or might have triggered a past traumatic experience by yelling at her. Regardless of what made Kitty scared of you, you can always rebuild your relationship with her through play.
It’s going to be an attempt to make her fall in love with you all over again, and it’s possible. All you have to do is to employ the use of her favorite toys and create a routine that allows her to be comfortable in your presence again.
2. Create a Safe Environment
If your cat is frightened by a piece of new equipment or furniture in the house or by an unwanted guest, it’s important to try as much as you can to get rid of these disturbances. Create a safe and loving environment for your cat to thrive, and this will stop all the hiding, biting, hissing, growling, trembling, pacing, and crouching behavior. If your cat sees a new neighboring cat through the window, try to block from your cat’s sight the new unwanted guest who may be triggering your kitty. Additionally, you can apply pheromone spray or plug to calm your cat and make him feel safe in its territory.
3. Offer Lots of Treats and New Toys
The oldest trick in the book remains one of the most effective. You can utilize treats and new toys to get any cat to warm up to you. If your cat has a history of abuse, there’s a chance that she has lost a bit of trust in you for one reason or the other. Strategically giving her treats and new toys is a way of reassuring her and rebuilding that trust.
4. Be Patient
With cats, patience is the master key. You can’t speed things up, you can’t force your cat to stop being scared of you. The only thing you can do right now is to wait in order to gain your cat’s trust again. No matter how much time it takes, your cat will eventually start to feel safe and secure around you. Being too clingy with your scared cat may make things worse.
Final Thoughts
When dealing with a scared cat, you have to keep doing the right things, keep showing her love and attention without overwhelming your cat. Eventually, she’ll warm up to you. My cat Sophie eventually did, and we now live happily ever after.
I tore my achilles tendon and bad to have surgery last week .now I can not go upstairs and am using a knee scooter for 8 weeks im stuck living in my living room not going upstairs siince ive been home my cat is hiding in a cabinet and running low to the ground very antisocial he is usually very loud and in your face .
Hello Ada, I feel so bad about your current situation. Your cat most likely is afraid of you because of the hospital smell you carry and the knee scooter. This is a situation where you must call someone to help you. The most important thing is to carry a big bowl of water and food upstairs for your cat. Second, ask this person to bring you some used clothing so you can wear that, ideally clothing you wore before you went to the hospital. Does your cat like treats? If he does, you can shake the bag and maybe he will recognize the sound? This is what I can think of for now. I will be praying for your prompt healing. God bless,
My cat is an adult and has never been this scared. Every morning I wake up he is always hiding from me and his body language tells me that he is scared. I don’t know what to do? I feel so uncomfortable :( Someone please help.
Hi Shay, there are so many reasons why cats can act this way. In order to determine what happened to your cat a lot of observation and recollection of the past events are needed. When cats are scared all of a sudden most likely a routine has changed. Did you change anything in your house? A change of aromas or scents? Maybe your cat experienced something bad at night? Think about all the possibilities of a change in your cat’s life, one by one. Also, it’s necessary to check the cat’s health with the Vet because a sudden change in behavior, especially hiding could be a sign of an underlying condition. Hope that helps!
I gave my cat a bath once and now she hides upstairs and learned to climb into the walls. What should I do?
Hello Dannielle, just give your cat time to get over it without you trying to reach her, that will cause more fear in your pet. For now, what you can do is place food and water upstairs for your cat. I am sorry this happened with your feline, cats really hate water and especially if their first bathe is done when they are adults. Your cat will get over it, just give her time.
My cat Willow disappeared for a few months. I found her on one of my routine walks, and she came right to me, seeming very comfortable around me for the next few days. However the past three days she runs away as soon as I get within sight. I have no idea why she has suddenly resulted to asking this way. She is not a rescue and has no history of abuse, I have never been on a vacation. Though there was a big snow a week ago and a lot of cats were dead near my house. I assume this might be because of the half eaten corpse of a cat laying in my yard, but I’m not sure.
Hello Clay, what a horrible sight you had to see with that poor cat being half eaten in the yard :(. Your cat is experiencing anxiety due to the threat she is perceiving outside, either the snow or the predator that is around. Your cat might have had a bad experience when she got lost and somehow she had a flashback. Just have patience and send your cat a lot of positive reinforcement, not only physically, but with emotions. Cats connect more than we think. Your positive thinking and love will comfort your cat, I am sure she is somehow absorbing the suffering of all those cats outside :(. I send you all my love to you and to your baby Willow.
I was playing with my cat and suddenly she got scared of me and run away and didn’t want it to touch or pet her and if she sees me she runs away..and I’m so uncomfortable because I don’t know what is the reason to fix it and it breaks my heart seeing that my lovely cat is now afraid of me:(
Hi Rand, for what you are telling me maybe something happened during the game that your cat got scared so now she associates you with that event and is afraid. Just give her time and she will get over it. The same has happened with my cat when I was playing with her and a ball bounced and hit her head. She got afraid of me but after a few days, she got over it.
Hi there. I was giving my cat her flea treatment and I think this last time she got such a fright – I perhaps didn’t hold her correctly and no anytime I go to pet her she flinches, thinking that I’m going to give her the clear treatment. I really don’t know how to deal with this because she needs her treatment, but she’s scared and now I’m a bit scared I’m going to make her worse. This is a tricky one.
Hi Elaine, I am so sorry to hear this happened to you with your cat. Unfortunately, cats cannot be forced to do things when they are afraid, their survival instinct is super high and they may panic if forced to do something when they are afraid. Have you thought about taking her to the Vet for the treatment to be applied? They know exactly how to handle cats so they don’t have a bad experience, plus your cat won’t associate you with the treatment application.
Hi
I am desperate for help my baby of 16 years that sleeps on my head follows me around is obsessed with me suddenly is petrified of me.
A week ago last Thursday he didn’t come in for his tea (he loves his food) when grandad called him all evening outside nothing he didn’t appear. I went down at 3am as I woke and he wasn’t on my bed and I panicked.
I opened the door to downstairs and he shot through the cat flap into the utility room and past me upstairs into my wardrobe and hid there for 2 days refusing to eat.
I have been so worried so he has been to the vet. Blood work done, nothing found, blocked poo that was rock solid has been removed yesterday but for the past 8 days all he has done is hidden and refuses to let anyone in the house touch him and won’t come to me.
Nothing has changed at home, no one has done anything to hurt him, I have had him since 6 months and it is breaking my heart that I don’t know what to do.
Hi Hannah, I am so sorry this is happening to you with your baby. I am not an expert but I have a pretty good understanding of cats. I think what happened to your kitty is that he wasn’t feeling good having constipation. One of the symptoms of constipation is hiding and also refusing food. Try to change his diet to mostly wet food for a while until he feels better. Also, you can get a pheromones plug so this scent in the house will calm your cat. I am sure your kitty is acting purely out of instinct because he doesn’t feel good. Hope that helps!
Saturday (9/17) “Spunky” was curled up on top of me with the other cats like normal, Sunday (9/18) he had fear in his eyes and doesn’t want me anywhere near him. He has been known for living up to his name, but not since Sunday, now is is cautiously scooting from one room to the next instead of high tailing it everywhere with the zoomies. His sister is fine. We live alone. I can’t figure it out?! I did go on a couple week vacation but have been back since 9/12 and he was fine until 9/18. I’ve gotten one or two purrs out of him since this started but something is still definitely off. Thinking I should take him to the vet to have blood work done and rule out something physical? He is eating, drinking, peeing and pooping, but acting like something is wrong.
Hi Christy, what you describe is strange, but not uncommon. What happens to Spunky could be anything. The first thing is to discard health issues, even though you say Spunky is eating and eliminating normally, it’s better to be on the safe side. All one can do at this point is to remember every detail of what happened before Spunky got afraid of you. Did you get something from your vacation and place it in the house? Are you wearing something different from your vacation? Like I said, the first thing is discarding some physical issue, and if that’s not the case start rethinking absolutely everything you did and what Spunky did. Did he go outside? Is there a new neighboring cat that can be spotted through the window? I hope you can find out what Spunky is afraid of. Good luck!
Thank you, I have actually come to believe that one of the outdoor cats brought in a flea or two, Spunky has never experienced this, he was very upset! It dawned on me that I have another cat who totally freaks when he walks across the lawn and something gets on him! Anyhow, looking for my flea comb, but he is returning to his Spunky self:)
I am so happy to hear this, great job mom!
Pooter was the only kitty in the house for six weeks because Starlette had run away from home because of Pooter. Starlette finally came back after I picked her up on the street and carried her inside. Ever since then which has been 3 to 4 days, Pooter has been hiding and not grooming(Actually he has not been grooming for about a month so this could be something separate) and doesn’t want me to touch him. Do you think this is because starlet was re-introduced into the house? It’s cold outside so neither one wants to go outside to play. They want to stay inside but that keeps Pooter hiding in any place he can fine. Even large paper bags laying in the floor. I can’t really afford take him to the vet but if you think it is an illness let me know. Thank you so much
Hi Rhonda, I would always discard health issues but I understand you can’t afford that at the moment. According to what you describe Pooter is suffering from depression due to the reintroduction of Starlette in the house. You carry Starlette scent too so he doesn’t want you to touch him. If your cat hasn’t groomed himself in about a month is a concern. Does Pooter eat normally? Does he use the litter box normally as well? Let me know these things to come to a better conclusion. Thanks for your comment!
Hi there, my name is Jonas and I’m from Sweden.
I bought my cat “Lizzy” in October when she was 5 months old and she’s been a very lovely but vocal cat.
She loves following me around all day in my small apartment and she also loves laying on my lap and chest in front of the computer and she’s purring away sounding like a tractor.
We have had some issues with her scratching my bed but she stopped a while back.
Last night she started scratching it again for the first time in about 2 months so I used the “furniture protection” I bought a while back (plastic adhesive stuff that you just slap on the area they scratch).
Today though she started scratching everywhere else on the bed instead so I googled other things to do and I found out that citrus stuff will turn them away. I had some lime in a bottle and put that all over the…cover? of the bed.
Ever since I did that she’s been screaming and zooming around like crazy and she refuses to stay on my chest/lap and a lot of times when I get close to her (slowly with just my fingers out like I’m about to pet her or let her smell me) she shirks away (I hope that’s the word) and she puts her ears back.
When I carry her and pet her (she still allows that for a while) she doesn’t purr….and just now she lay down on the bed so I petted and scratched her but she just refuses to purr again, this kind of scares me and being on the spectrum for autism and adhd makes this worse cause I’m getting really scared that I hurt her in some way or hurt the relationship.
(She’s the only cat I have, no room for a second unfortunately, so yeah, she’s missing the company of a second cat, but I am unemployed atmo so we spend 18 hours a day together)
Hi Jonas, cats choose areas in the house as their favorites and they leave territorial marks in those spots. Your bedroom and particularly your bed was her favorite spot and you were part of that combo. When you put tape on the area your cat was scratching and the citric scent you spread on your bed you practically left your cat with no territorial mark and you eliminated her scent from the bed. This is a territory she loved and shared with you. I suggest you get rid of the citric scent (you maybe had some of this scent as well on you and your cat didn’t like it) on your bed but leave the tape on the area she scratches. Get a cardboard cat scratcher and put it on a wall in your bedroom, in an area close to your bed. They are cheap, you can find them in Walmart for less than $5. Also, get a scratcher cat lounge, they cost a little more, about $13. Here are videos of my cat using both https://youtu.be/2eTzrF3oZ8c https://youtube.com/shorts/u_i5zUqNx0M Let me know how it worked.
Hi there and thanks for your reply, I left a bit out of my initial message cause it was already getting long =)
I have a cardboard scratcher right next to the bed (one that lies on the floor though) and she uses it every day….it was one of the main reasons why she stopped scratching the bed I think.
I think the lime scent is already gone cause the day after she came back and is purring again…..but she stops purring after 4-6 in the afternoon/evening and I don’t know why.
And she’s still moving away from my hand every now and then when I go in for pets/scratches.
I have a cat-tree in the livingroom as well but that she doesn’t use much since she’s almost always in the room I’m in and I’m unfortunately stuck at the computer most of the day.
But yes I will try to get rid of the scent in case it’s still there and I will see if I can maybe get another thing to scratch in here but one that “stands up” (forgot the word opposite of “vertical” =)
And yeah I guess it’s possible I might have had some lime on me, won’t try doing that again, that’s for sure.
I hope the new changes will improve the relationship with your cat. Good luck.
I moved in with 2 roommates who have had their cats since kittens, one male one female. The male is perfectly fine with me being here, where the female is constantly running away from me and hiding, even hissing at me. They have always been treated with care and love and I always try to show I’m not going to hurt them and yet after almost 6 months she still does this. Is there anything I can do or do I just have to accept thst she hates me for no reason.
Hi Richard, did you have contact previously with other cats or dogs? Your clothing may have some scent the cat doesn’t like. That is only one possibility. The other option is that the female cat doesn’t trust you. You need to make her trust you and for that you have to do some daily tasks, such as pouring food and water in her bowls, and play with her every day for at least 15 minutes, cats usually love feathers with strings. Here’s an article I wrote about how to make a cat trust you https://www.catfooddispensersreviews.com/how-to-gain-your-cat-trust/ Hope that helps!
My new cat Leo is usually the best boy and loves cuddles follows me everywhere and in never bad he was fine one morning and deathly afraid of me by night he had been hit by a tiny soft ball while playing in the afternoon and wouldn’t go near me by night it’s now the next day and he’s still distant not wanting scratches or anything, how to fix?
Hi Elvir, that has happened to me too with my cat. I accidentally hit her with a ball while playing and she got afraid of me. Just give Leo time to get over it. Cats have extremely high survival instincts and anything that takes them by surprise, they don’t like it, especially hitting their bodies with something. Just make sure not to play with Leo with a ball again for a while until he overcomes his fear. Try not to be pushy with him, give him space and act normal like you always do, he will come to you when he feels ready.
Hi, I have a new cat called Foxy. She’s 3 months old and such a cute baby. I thought she liked me, but sometimes when I reach out for her her to come to me, she runs away and/or looks at me with fear in her eyes, wags her butt back and forth, and runs toward me with a boost of speed. She won’t eat unless fed one kibble at a time, and she won’t eat from my hand either. She climbs to the top of my chair and seems comfortable, but when I look at her she makes a “mwrrrr” sound and runs away/jumps on to my bed. She also lays on my table, and she seems comfortable there. Why?
Hi Crystal, there are several aspects on what you are describing. First, I would like to know if you got that kitten by separating her from her siblings or if your cat is a rescued. Being separated suddenly from her sibling could cause this separation anxiety. Also, for what you tell me, your cat needs to adapt to her new envinroment, she doesn’t trust you fully yet, but she is trying (sitting on your chair is a sign of that). You need to provide moments of play with her, making her trust you, slowly. Feed her treats too, that way she associates you with something really tasty. When kittens run and move their butts like that is a sign of playing, but also is a sign of testing the waters with the new human, she is testing you that way. She seems to have a dominaning personality and that’s not bad. You just need to learn how to interact with your kitten. Don’t force her, just start step by step showing her how much you care through games and treats. Just ignore the unwanted behavior so she will know it doesn’t work. And like I alwyas say, take her to the Vet to discard health issues. Hope that helps!
Hello. I have had my cat Jobu for almost 2 years now. Randomly yesterday she is frightened of me, hisses, tries to attack me, urinates on the floor when I come home. She only calms down when I lay down. Nothing in her routine has changed. Should I be concerned?
Hi Phillip, it looks to me like you somehow got a strange scent that she doesn’t recognize and doesn’t like. Her behavior of urinating is typical or marking territory. Did you have any contact with another animal or anything like that? If this behavior doesn’t change over time I suggest you take her to the Vet to discard possible health issues.